If Committing War Crimes Is Wrong, Than I Want To Be Right

Featured ~ DonKaftan ~ 2 Comments

Written by Sgt. Abu Ghraib 

Crime, as we all know is bad. War is also bad, but is a necessity in order for peace to exist, so we can put up with war. But as they say, two wrongs turn into a right, and the United Nations slur, “War Crimes” is in reality a justified defense against terrorism. And even if war crimes are wrong, and were allegedly involved against terrorists committing a terrorist cause, than that would also be justifiable. As a highly experienced combat veteran, I know that if I, or anyone I know committed a so-called “War Crime” against the evil Godless Islamic Terrorists, they will be highly commanded and become a folk hero. Was Johnny Appleseed a terrorist for committing war crimes? The answer is irrelevant, we all know who Johnny Appleseed was and why he is an American hero, the ends justify the means.

It bothers me to no end that our precious and beloved United States of America has been falsely accused of committing costly and “immoral” “war crimes” by the United Nations, an organization that includes Iran, Syria, Cuba, and Iraq as valuable members of their community. How can an organization that allegedly represents freedom and equality have such terrorist countries as its members? There is no possible way they can credibly accuse the world’s #1 country that exports freedom from committing “war crimes” against other countries, let alone individuals from other countries. The only reason to be cautious of the United Nations slandering the United States as a “war-crime committer” is due to the costly fines that would be hurtful to our national debt, something almost but not nearly as bad as the Democratic Party adding more and more towards it.

The United Nations often cites America’s proud and honorable combat heritage of using Enhanced Interrogation Techniques as a means to acquire intelligence and ultimately win wars. Some say tactics that fall under EIT are immoral and wrong. But war is wrong, which means that EIT therefore, are right. The U.S Military is the second most ethical military of all countries, only behind by Israel. But our military doesn’t need to be the most ethical or even second most ethical in order to be right. The U.S Military gets the results done, no matter what murky occurrences happen in the middle, the freedom to be given to other countries from the end result is always a net benefit to the world. There’s no need to look or overthink anything else, yet the United Nations and some of our nations most prominent liberals believe otherwise.

The only time America might have possibly committed war crimes must have been under the Barack Obama Regime. Obama wanted to enforce his apologies to terrorists across the world with a musical tour with non-American pop act, “U2”. The United States never negotiates or apologizes to terrorists and their sympathizers, but Barack Obama broke that promise when he admitted America had faults, or something to that extent. Obama then increased the national debt to numbers unfathomable to the human mind and desecrated our country with his immorberal logic. We are lucky to even have President Trump come in and clean up his mess within four years of office.

9/11 was horrifying, yet illuminated the nation about the terrorists who want to be where America is today or in 2001. The terrorists and their land recognizable to the United Nations have been actively committing an information war against America being a noble and just nation. They actively libel and slander America as being a country that’s immoral and corrupt, which is plainly false. How could America be morally corrupt and the second thing that we are a country filled of criminal terrorists? The Democratic Party is immorberal, wrong and evil but they are not 100% terrorists. The right countries, the ones that our “friends” ought to be standing up for America in acts of high slander, but remain quiet. This is the result of the U2-Obama apology tour, and these measures of foreign policy continue to harm the US today.

When you are falsely reminded that America is a nation that allegedly may have committed a war crime or two, ask yourself these questions. Who is calling America a country that commits war crimes? Do these people know the benefit of so-called “war crimes” that they cannot understand the measures that needed to be implemented in order for a positive end-result to happen? Do they know how to tie their shoes? People like to accuse other people of many false and incorrect things, that’s why libel and slander laws exist, but on the international scale, nothing is off-limits. Unless you commit one of those so-called “war crimes”, then you could pay an unnecessary massive fine that could make a man do the most heinous acts imaginable. But it wouldn’t come from an American soldiers hands, believe me.

Sgt. Abu Ghraib is Bullshit News’ newest Correspondent, providing expert analysis and thought-out opinions about the on-going threats of the War on Terror and the Godless Islamic Barbaric Terrorists that conduct it. Whether it’s Morocco, Israel, Iraq, Palestine, Las Vegas or Iran, Abu fought in the Iraq War and enjoyed it so much he went to Afghanistan where he is stationed today in Kabul. Abu was born and raised in Macon, Georgia to prove all the “haters’ that bullied him in his high school that he was much more American than they are, and never looked back. Abu is currently on inactive duty, eagerly waiting for his name to be called at any moment.

Trump Selects “Zoomer”, JD Vance, As His Vice Presidential Running Mate

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Written by Mortimer E. Wallacaster

Future President (once again) Donald Trump has announced the other day of his new, better vice presidential candidate for the be-all end-all election in November. Trump is replacing the formerly competent baby boomer Mike Pence with a leader better suited for future generations and the continuation of Trumpism/American Economics, JD Vance. Mr. Vance is 1/3rd the age of Trump, being born in the “Generation Z” cohort which is known to be much more in favor of Republican ideals of family values, traditionalism, and being against the vile immorberal beast known as pornography. This future generation of America’s leaders may have found its bedrock representative with this excellent pick of a Vice President.

While the Democrats panic and freak out over Joe Biden’s end-of-life crisis, they continue failing to appeal to younger generations (including their supposedly beloved millennials) who are more likely to become middle-aged voters in 10-15 years where they will become a dominant, if not apathetic, voting bloc of jaded people that obsess over vapid nostalgia of “the good old days” when they were all just kids playing their Pokemon video games, waiting for 9/11 to happen and change up their lives. Even as the DNC resort to the “Gen X” latchkey Kamala, they continue to ignore younger generations which makes them crave a serious and strong alternative–the Republican Party. Such a group of young and bright people need a strong Christian man to lead the future in the right way Ted Cruz, JFK (who was a closet Republican), and Ronald Reagan did with our nation in the past.

What we know about JD Vance, the current youngest Senator (R-Ohio) in office, is that he embodies the concept of an “Alpha Male” an obscure term originating from eugenicist Charles Darwin that the younger generations have caught on to, as well as being “Based”. These slang terms are of high regard and approval toward JD Vance’s character and appeal. He loves “surfing the web”, skateboarding, and browsing the internet playing Roblox, Apex Legends, and Fortnite in his limited free time. He is married to a woman and has three children–true Alpha Male nuclear family status of a normal healthy Republican man. JD Vance is “based” with his strong conservative beliefs on abortion, the death penalty/capital punishment, as well as the strong desire to heavily tax the poor. While these beliefs ought to be the norm for every American, it is a welcome sight to see such a ravishing young man like JD hold onto these beliefs like a Russian martyr fighting for society’s liberty.

Young Gen “Zoomer” Americans can see themselves in this humble man, built into the mold of a Minecraft Steve from Appalachia, USA. JD wrote about his roots in his hit best-seller, “Hillbilly Elegy”, where he talks about the fact that he had to learn how to hurdle cattle by himself at age 6, had to make and wear his own shows by age 8, and protected his home with proper self-defense training by the simple age of 11. Young JD had a proper rugged conservative upbringing in real rural America and far away from big city elitist liberal hellhole metropolitan areas. Unfortunately his mother struggled with drug addictions growing up, which JD Vance had to struggle to deal with. But as a result of his struggled, Republican upbringing living in near-poverty Appalachia, he was properly recognized with his talents with his superior wit and Republican brawn, ending up at Yale Law, but not before he served our country in the Marine Corps in our war against the Iraq Godless Barbaric terrorists for a brief time period.

And to think he achieved all of this before he even turned age 21! It’s a wonder that this new generation of young Americans actually care about the traditions and heritage of our old country—something missed out from the millennial generation. Vance is able to connect to younger generations with his like-minded views and “Alpha Male” status that those on the instantgramification talk-ticking platform highly value. His “basedness” is something of an unknown x-factor type of “vibes” that are hard to translate into a political sense. He reminds me of a young Theodore Roosevelt, whose gallant personality and inability to have fear whipped our country into being the manliest in the world. Don’t let any of that take away that Vance is something of the future in the Republican Party: a true strong “based” man that will one day reshape America back into its state’s rights-valuing traditions of yore where men with common sense and reasonable levels of literacy followed common law and ruled the day without fear of “wokeness” or other hysterical liberal DEI vocabulary.

JD Vance still has plenty of time to find his proper mold within the Republican Party as its future stalwart leader. I wouldn’t even put it out of the question that he may end up on the Supreme Court one day so long as he doesn’t spend too many hours on those vapid video games his generation loves so much. But as the party’s leader, he will know the future contemporary issues and how to guide our GOP into the new future with whatever new technologies liberal tech companies will try and deploy to make our future children into mindless woke zombies that constantly vote Democrat. Perhaps JD Vance may be our best hope in defeating those evil censorship-loving companies. Until then, he has an important job to help Donald Trump win back his old job for good.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

Weak Leftist President Joe Biden Decides To Not Run For Reelection

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Written by Pastor John Mathewson

America’s anti-Christ of the past four years, Joseph Robinette Biden, has announced this morning after four years of speculating that he will not seek reelection for office in a couple of months from now. It has become evident for Biden that he realized with all the power and adrenochrome he’s harvested over the past four years could not help himself from fighting Father Time, and the inevitable and inconvenient truth that Donald Trump will become our next president again much like how Jesus rose again from the dead. This has been the first policy decision of the Biden administration and/or regime that Bullshit News can agree with.

It’s clear to the American people that Joe Biden and his four years of wrecking havoc on our beloved country, oh so divinely bestowed to us from God and God’s son alone, was not a very popular president. His decision to destroy our economy with stimulus checks and rapid levels of inflation for the past two years and his cowardly abandonment of the Afghanistan people and their quest for democracy against the radical Godless Islamic Barbarian Threat to the world were peak moments of his presidency, a cowardly democrat who wants to break American society and our planet to tyrants. He divided Americans over not loving Israel enough against said Godless Islamic thugs. There was also the whole Ukraine/Russia debacle, but we were not allowed press passages into the USSR to properly provide coverage of the graphic experience. All of this were failures of the Biden Administration, even letting our beloved Jesus Christ down. What a Shameful Man!

It was clear to many Americans at the debate earlier this month that Joe Biden was not mentally ready to face off against a clearly way more fit and patriotic American in Donald Trump, who crushed him by completing about forty more sentences and sounding coherent the entire time. It was clear for Biden that he was not going to win, and decided to “ragequit” (as the kids say these days) the race and let some other Democrat, probably Kamala Harris, to try and pry a victory from their corrupt and lobbyist-infested swampy hands.

Other possible candidates at this point and time are likely to be irrelevant democrats that will be erased by the sands of time. The DNC will continue to scramble for said candidates that are possibly not specifically Kamala Harris to run against her before they officially declare Kamala has the candidate in, let’s say, 2-3 weeks from today. It matters no choice to the DNC nor its voters, for President Trump is ready to win the next election with his plan in Project 2025 to save America from the heathens that want our country to be burned to the ground in the name of “Jihad”.

And I know President Trump is on Jesus’s side, as he invited to Mar-a-Lago for a casual service in 2022. We prayed for his success for reelection and he told me that he saw Jesus about a fortnight ago, and it was at that moment when he talked to Jesus was when he knew he was going to run for office again. And if Jesus could trust Trump, so could I, of course. Jesus talks to us all, but especially United States presidents and Pastors. We are trusted in the responsibilities and powers of Christianity to be leading examples of our nations and communities.

Let today be a victory for the future Trump (re)Administration, and for America as a country! Together we can be united once again in November, with matrimony of Republicanism and the return to Small Government with balanced budgets and zero federal deficits! The anti-Christ will not be return, we must only beat its daughter.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Sikhs, excluding Lutherans. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

Donald Trump Thwarts Leftist Secret Service Assassination Attempt

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Written By John Kaftan

An evil leftist attempted to assassinate the (soon enough) President of the United States, Donald Trump this afternoon at one of his pep rallies in Butler, Pennsylvania. While the near-tragedy is still under investigation, it is safe to say and assume that one of Joe Biden’s goonish Secret Servicemen were guilty of letting this near-fatal incident to happen. “Sleepy” Joe Biden, the Democrat Party nominee and former Vice President under the Obama Regime, recently had an egregiously atrocious debate against former President Trump last week, and Bullshit News has the inside source that Biden’s numbers after the debate were not looking good for the old man currently vacationing in the White House. Sleepy Joe must have been quite angry in spirit, because one of his defensive henchmen almost let our former President die in the hands of a (as of time of publishing, unknown but very strongly presumably) “woke” leftist antifa-person.

From our intelligence, it seems like it’s a pretty clear case that Mr. Biden and his shadow cabinet of Secret Servicemen were directly responsible for the assassination attempt. Former president Trump has been accused by the leftist media and former ‘Secret Service’ men of improperly charging them exorbitant rates for his own protection. Instead of accepting former President Trump’s premium rates for protecting him in one of the most lavish hotels this side of the Mississippi world, they sought out revenge by typical Federal Government bureaucracy and mis-management. By letting a would-be assassin almost carry out the murder plot, they could look perfectly harmless while committing the very real harm of murdering a US President. Years of verbal and near-physical abuse to Mr. Trump was perhaps one of the main reasons why the Secret Service let a homicidal maniac leftist to nearly kill our beloved President #45 (47?). But these were not the only times the Secret Service had a vendetta to our former president.

One anonymous Secret Servicemen said that President Trump had, “set the SS back 10 years […] The overall culture and way of doing things took a big step back“. Other reporting of Secret Service grievances included that Trump had (somehow) deliberately infected hundreds of SS men with “Coronavirus”, despite the fact that President Trump cured Covid halfway through 2020, as our lives went back to normal later that year. There were also reports that the Secret Service had, at many times, failed to uphold their duty to protect the president by letting a 20-something yuppie roam around the White House for 20 minutes, presumably to look for one of those Work Progress Administration jobs that welfare queens take to steal our taxpayer dollars and waste it on frivolous immorberal goods. Other reports from disgruntled Secret Service men that refused to answer our questions directly, but naturally would answer leftist media‘s questions, stated that the Secret Service has been “cash strapped” since September 11th, 2001. Being a “cash-strapped” organization for over 20 years and supposed misgivings regarding exorbitant hotel rates from a five star hotel owned and operated by Trump and his family is the best plausible explanation as to why the Secret Service did not seem to care or be emotionally moved by Mr. Trump’s near-possible death experience.

As easy it would be to point the blame on our continued existential threat regarding the Godless Islamic Barbarians being the origin of the attempt, there is too much political strife in our America this decade. The evil leftists refuse to concede nor acknowledge the fact that not only do they run the country and our culture, but they are also sick and tired of our beloved former president that is ready to help make America great again, again. The Barbarians are more likely to be focused on trying to save Hamas and Palestine, which can only be saved because of the Biden Administration’s efforts to remove all progress to Middle East peace that President Trump solved in his first administration. Rogue Secret Service actors, of which there are many of them from various alleged grievances, must be the ones responsible. After all, if they actually upheld the duty they are sworn to follow, they would have let the rally go by peacefully (as all of Trump’s rallies do) and nothing of note would have happened other than the 100,000+ devoted followers of Trump being elated by the President and his speeches regarding how he would do such a great job to be President again and finish the job forever in November.

We have no information about the would-be assassin so far in our slow news cycle world. But it’s easy to conclude that they must have been an Antifa member, vetted and approved by the Secret Service to assassinate President Trump. Lone wolf theories are just that—theories. In our incredibly online and digital age, there are no more “lone wolves”. Everyone has a Facebook, and everyone has friends on Facebook, so no one is truly “alone” anymore. No one just dilly-dallies and decides to assassinate the president just because they can or could, there is always an agenda—an agenda that is typically communist and/or leftist. Sometimes both. We here at Bullshit News choose to not pick the blame or fight anyone, we are happy that President Trump is healthy and doing alright after that Antifa/Secret Service conspiracy plot failed spectacularly. May this help galvanize our United States of America to unite together, left, right and center minded people alike, to wake up and realize that Trump will make our country strong again. After all, he narrowly avoided death today while Mr. Biden remains asleep at the wheel of our country hitting a downturn economic drag into an existential oblivion where China and/or Iran runs the world and destroys our valuable US Dollar forever. President Trump is our call for pure unbridled American Freedom, and it’s important to note that we almost lost that today.

John Kaftan is the only child of Don Kaftan, who remains locked up in ADX Florence, Colorado over his alleged involvement in the “January 6th, 2021 incident”. He is currently the Editor-in-Chief of Bullshit News until his father is free. As a “Gen Z”, John understands the youth and engages his free time encouraging his fellow generational cohorts into Republican politics by playing “Minecraft, Roblox, and Fortnite in his spare time while finishing up his degree at Bob Jones University. He is currently applying to Harvard Law School and hopes to become a constitutional lawyer and member of the Federalist Society and Heritage Foundation.

They’re Making JFK Woke Now

~ DonKaftan ~ 2 Comments

Written By Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq 

I left my local nickelodeon in frothy disgust last weekend. As a passionate first generation American, I thought a movie regarding a former president (and a liberal too, so be damned) would at the very minimum not be affected by the recent audacious woke media climate. I thought our institutions were pure figures, that they wouldn’t have to be adjusted for “cultural sensitivity” and resemble the very best of our 6,000 years of human civilization. But no, Hollywood and their wretched woke ways have decided to capitalize on the liberal woke market.

It’s disgusting that the very same company that created “Mickard Moouse” and the Marvel Cinematic Universe have decided to make President John Fitzgerald Kennedy woke in their latest new film, “JFK: Reimagined”. What I expected that was “reimagined” would be if JFK prevented his assassination like a man and killed Lee Harvey Oswald himself, and the possibilities of what would happen after that could at least be entertaining. Instead, I see that they made JFK woke. They “reimagined” him to be (in their words), “instead of growing up with his suburban Massachusetts roots, JFK now grows up as an inner-city African-American youth in the hard streets of Harlem”. That is absolutely an atrocious bollocks mission statement that was apparently brought up frequently in the two “trailers” according my movie clerk. That statement alone cannot defend the actions of how Disney has desecrated United States history, let alone expecting me to watch some brief previews of this movie in a yokel mobile before watching the film in the cinema.

Already at the start of the film I share no sympathy for poor young John F Kennedy. Not because of the color of his new woke skin, but because he is an evil liberal that will eventually become president and ruin the country with his socialist peace corps movement, among other terrors. I thought that he would be reimagined as a Republican, learning how to be noble, caring, God-Fearing and Godless Islamic Barbarian Hating sort of a new man that isn’t scared of evil Antifa leftism. Sadly what we get instead would be better off if it was boring, instead it was appalling and shameful that Disney would resort to wokeism for a quick buck. It’s as if patriotism isn’t profitable enough anymore for the media conglomerate.

The contents of the film are as stereotypical of woke media as you can expect. It has Broadway musical songs and moments, a lot of “tearful” (unmanly) scenes, but one positive merit of the film was the alternative assassination portrayal of JFK being “gang-banged” and bleeding out on the streets. It was more entertaining to watch that lone scene than the entire Zapruder film. But one good scene does not make a good movie, let alone a movie with super-woke elements thrown at you at every possible second. The cinematography is dull, the editing resembles Hillary Clinton’s campaign ads, the lightning is too dark, and the writing is obviously too woke to make sense nor resemble anything close to good. There were good possible avenues for JFK: Reimagined to be a good conservative film about failed liberalism, but instead they turned the woke gears up to eleven and we get this garbage that’s too garbage to be filth.

The worst possible thing about all of this is that JFK: Reimagined was marketing to children to make them woke. Thankfully Governor Ron DeSantis has banned the film from ever possibly playing in his state of Florida. Yet other conservative states do not seem to care about how this woke film can radicalize today’s children to become tomorrow’s liberal fascists. We need our nation’s children to not only be properly armed in school, but to be wary of wokeism and know how to confront it when the unfathomable time comes. Our children need to learn about patriotism, conservative values, nationalism, and all of that good middle-America values that our country was founded upon. The woke media and their insidious culture are a bug on the flag of Freedom, but together we can wave it away and save our country from their radical agenda.


Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. Previously Seabass had a long and storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and other irrelevant central-eastern European countries. He is the number one expert on extremism across the globe, earning his Ph.D. in Prague and became a part-time corporate lawyer in America in his spare time. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.

I Was At The January 6th Patriot Rally And This Is My Story

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Written by Don Kaftan, Founder and Editor

January 6th was one of the most important and greatest days of our American Democracy since July 4th, 1776. I had my boots on the ground the represent Bullshit News amongst many other credible media outlets as well as organized non-profits against the injustice that was the inaccurate election results from November 2020. While many in the mainstream media, such as The Blaze and OANN have unjustly condemned patriotic conservatives such as myself and our fellow colleagues like the Oath Keepers and Three Percenters, they have no knowledge to comprehend what actually occurred on that day, where we tried vigorously to restore America back to the good old days, the hard way. The right way.

Forgive my absence from editorializing Bullshit News, I was detained for six months for overtly expressing the pride I have in this God fearing country. I cared enough about the truth, the valid election results that I used my American duties to protest (along with hundreds of thousands of my other fellow patriots that believe in the same cause as we did) and our protest was deemed an “unlawful assembly” by boring obstructionist democrats like Jim Clyburn and Bennie Thompson, which led to what I considered an unlawful detainment, until my case was thrown out by Democrat Party activist Judge Justin Walker before I could even legally defend myself. Now that I’m a free man once again, I’ve seen Biden’s America for the first time in my own eyes, looking in total horror at how much he is blowing the country up, more then anything “unlawful” I ever did on January 6th. But that’s a story for another article.

The mainstream media and partisan lawyers claimed that what my fellow patriots and I were doing “treasonous, secessionist” activities is completely so far and away from the truth, you would think they were covert Biden appointees. Not only was it a guarantee in the Bill of Rights right that President Trump allowed for us to have a protest over the uncertifiable election results, it was our duty, beyond all obligations, to protest this injustice.. When a president calls for a country to take action, then it is our duty as American citizens to listen and take charge. There is nothing unlawful about that at all, unless you’re in the pockets of Judge Justin Walker, in which case you have the apparent leeway to jail whoever you consider a, “threat to civil society”.

I was merely one person in a crowd of hundreds of thousands, and yet I was detained as “a questionable influence to the crowd in inciting violence and recklessness”. I did no such thing. I was no leader that day, I was a small actor (if anything) of patriotic heartland mobilizers, that guided us from President Trump to deliver his divine doctrine. If what we were doing was truly “unlawful”, the National Guard or the Military would have stopped us from protesting to begin with. No one can argue against the Military and their desire to protect us from evil Islamic Barbarian terrorists, and thankfully President Trump told them to not get involved because they have greater priorities. There was nothing at all to indicate anything we did that day was illegal, immoral or otherwise unacceptable nor unethical. We were doing our civil duty as instructed by President Trump. We were always in the right.

I didn’t even get a pretrial hearing, I was merely detained for six months for following the President’s organized orders to rebel against an unlawful counting and assembly of ballots Many of which could have been tampered with via voter fraud. Some leftists would cry and say this would be a violation of my rights, but I disagree. I fulfilled a moral duty, so I know what I did is morally just in spite of our perfect legal system. Sometimes you are a cog, like I was, but then you come back out a new and changed person for the better. I have no complaints on how I was treated, nothing illegal happened unlike what critics say, but the food could be better.

I was released from Jail after six months, coming out as even more patriotic then I ever was on January Sixth and from my humble beginnings as an intern at the National Review. I realized the error of my ways that day, that I could have done more to help out our country in a manner that wouldn’t include a pretrial detention or more written essays on the old world wide web. I took action that day with my fellow Americans that saw the injustice that was the robbery of the 2020 Presidential Election. I learned that I needed to do more, post more, and mobilize more in person about how this country was stolen from us by liberals that want everyone to do these “TikTok dances” and eat non-GMO vegetables for our “societal sanity”. And what’s this now about Cheeseburgers? It’s sickening how much worse the world is today from where we all were on 1/6.

From my absence, I can tell that the world is getting far worse under a Biden Administration then it ever did under President Trump’s reign. I apologize on behalf of Bullshit News for the lack of updates thus far in 2021, my pretrial six month detention did not help much, but I will reassure you all that I am a freeman. My “case” was dismissed and that is all I am legally required to talk about on that matter. We will do our part at Bullshit News to restore sanity and bring conservatism back to the White House with more information from our inside sources as well as our honorable outside writers as well.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. Don has actively helped spread his conservative messages across the net for over 20 years!

A Month Into His Job And Joe Biden Already Plans On Destroying The Economy

~ DonKaftan ~ 2 Comments

Written by Sid Phyllis

It remains a gigantic shame that since President Trump had his election unfairly stolen by new President Joe Biden, America has been on a crash course to hell, a crash course that will only go more deeper as Joe Biden and his Democrat party have been closer on passing a “stimulus” (read: more unnecessary government spending) that aims to give every American, and illegal non-American resident alien non-citizens a check for $1400 for no explicit reason. The Biden Regime claims that the check is for “Coronavirus Relief”, which seems very suspicious as the Coronavirus AKA COVID19 was already cured, ended and became extinct thanks to the Trump Administration. The only other possible explanation is that the Biden Regime is Phase II of the Obama Regime: a strong desire to end America as we know it from the inside out.

When Barack Hussein Obama was unfortunately President of the United States, his end-goal was to seek revenge on our much beloved country by tearing it apart on the inside out, instead of the outside-in as many failed enemies of the US have tried to do in the past like the United Kingdom, France, and Iraq. Obama started his plan by letting the homosexuals and the homowomen into our armies and government, areas they have traditional not been allowed into to preserve the sanctity of said institutions. Barack continued his evil plan by giving Kindergarteners condoms so they can freely create more democrats in 18ish years to overpopulate his political party over the GOP. And as for the economy, Obama made sure to add so much towards our federal deficit that moving America’s spending into profitability has made enough irreversible damage to potentially sink America’s freedom and GDP as far down as possibly being #2 by the end of the century to the new upcoming rival to America, China. All of these plans were calculated by Barack Obama and his evil empire of bureaucrats, lobbyists and PR experts to ensure that America would eventually fall to some other, impossibly greater challenger.

President Biden, who was the vice-president of Barack Obama, has so-far only continued what the evil Obama regime had started, but added a delightfully devilish addition towards furthering America’s unfortunate, preventable downfall: the addition of this “Rapid Response Covid Relief Bill”, which involves sending checks to Americans who may have never worked a day in their whole lives. America has already moved past COVID19 and all the tragedy and grief that may have come from it. Giving every American, including prospective Americans of an illegal status is not only massively unnecessary, it reinsures the fact that the Biden Administration simply does not care at all about fiscal responsibility, he’s bribing every American to vote for him and Kamala Harris again in 2024, that’s what all of this means.

While the Coronavirus hysteria remains a near-dead phenomenon, whatever is left of America will be on an uncharted course to destruction under the Democratic Party’s control. The sanctity of America’s values of fiscal unrecklessness and liberty are under direct assault every day in Biden’s America. Whether it comes from the supposed liberalization of the homowomen, political correctness, and/or using the immorberal mainstream media to back Biden’s bully pulpit madness, America is suffering in ways more worse than the Obama Regime, and we must find a way to defend ourselves from Biden Administration’s desires to tank America’s economy in ways that haven’t been seen since the New Deal. It’s not that we must find a way to defend ourselves against Biden’s boring, mostly useless rhetoric, but we must defend ourselves with education to know that everything Joe Biden does is wrong and that only with the reelection of President Trump can America save herself from the horrors that is the federal deficit.

Sid Phyllis is the Bullshit News correspondent in political/foreign affairs (other) and our White House Correspondent. Sid grew up in Chicago and got sick of living in the big city and moved into a rural blue-collar state where the real America is. Instead of going to some elite four-year college, he started a consulting firm in Wyoming (Donovan and Phyllis Firm, or DP Firm) that quickly became the #1 best firm in the state. Sid joined Bullshit News for his qualifications in understanding how the REAL Blue-Collar Americans think.

America Must Protect Her Hedge Funds Against Insidious Trade Union Rebellion

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Written by Gilbert Miser

The United States of America, under the direction of a new administration lead by Joe “Blow” Biden, has been disastrous at its worst and destructive at its best. The day Joe Biden stepped into office was the day the financial markets had to step up and defend our country from the evils that is crony capitalism (a democratic party only phenomenon). Sadly not even by the end of the first week, America was already being attacked from the inside out by a website called “Reddit” and their fictitious “Wall Street” with no real world connections to the Wall Street in New York City that is best known for giving money to real people that deserve it and don’t spew hate speech on internet forums. These, “redditors” decided to attack the life-preserving financial institutions known as Melvin Capital and Citadel LLC, both of which have helped our country tremendously and have been able to keep America afloat against Chinese tyranny, among other outside financial threats like the Dutch and Irish.

What these “redditors” (if that is the term they like to call themselves) did was invest in a dying video game company called Gamestop, which sold extremely violent and sexually promiscuous controversial games in retail format to deviant youths in order to make profit. Melvin Capital and Citadel, both much more massively influential and publicly recognized to the working man, wanted to invest in the downfall of the failure of the company that is Gamestop. The redditors rebelled by investing in the Gamespot stock (GME) in spite of the poor financial decision to do so, and as a result our great hedge funds have to endure a needless cost, which in turn makes America vulnerable to economic terrorism the likes we have not seen in history.

This is the part where I mention I have no business or ties to Melvin Capital, Citadel, or Gamestop. I am an honest billionaire who earned his money fairly from working hard and putting in tons of overtime much like you. I am not an insidious goblin who invests in penny stocks, junk bonds, and other such gimmicks. What is happening right now to America’s precious financial institutions is nothing short of terrorism. My own friends who work at these reputable firms are losing untold amounts of money because of what the Wall Street Journal (a liberal rag) would call a “meme stock”. This is no “meme’, people are losing their jobs and their overseas bank accounts because of this travesty. This is not a violent video game with Japanese female animation, these are real people these half-hearted redditors are tormenting with. And they don’t seem to care about who they are harming, illustrating a bigger problem in America today when compassion and empathy are burned to the ground for greed. It is nothing short of disgusting.

While financially illiterate fools will decry about “short selling” and hedge funds in general, they have no idea what they are talking about. Hedge funds have helped America since the dawn of the initial Revolution. If the colonies were not properly funded by hedge funds, we wouldn’t have a United States, let alone an America. When the War of 1812 happened, where did the U.S turn to for much needed financial assistance? It wasn’t the Federal Reserve, it was the hedge funds. By challenging the direction of how hedge funds work, we attack the very core of our nation. And in the name of tradition, we must preserve our financial-cultural heritage and not allow mere internet trolls or redditors control our precious stock market, one of America’s most noble institutions next to the Washington Monument and the White House.

It’s time that Joe “Sleepy” Biden must stop being asleep at the wheel and do something great for once in America. President Trump would’ve already either prevented or save our country from this crisis. Biden’s lack of comments on the situation is already damning enough, perhaps its in his best interest to destroy the last remaining precious thing about America: our glorious dollar. The lack of action is telling, but also a terrible sign for things to come in his administration. Save our hedge funds before it is too late!


Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.